Democrats Royally Screw Up Nomination, Hope to Parachute in a Replacement for Diaper Joe But They Just Screwed That Up Too

The Democrats have still been toying with the idea of pulling shenanigans at their national convention in August so they can ditch Old Diaper Joe before it’s too late.

You’ve heard the conspiracy theories. Even Steve Bannon and Roger Stone believe that there will be some switcheroo in Chicago and some new, younger replacement candidate who is not an accused sex offender can run against Donald Trump in the general election.

We’re happy to report that the Democrats have screwed that plan up completely and it’s never going to happen now.

The internal polling in all the swing states is horrible for the Democrats right now. There’s no way they’re going to be able to generate enough fake ballots this year to overcome Trump’s margin of victory. Everyone hates Joe Biden.

The one hope that party insiders have been clinging to all these months, as Biden’s popularity continues to plummet, is this parachute conspiracy theory at the convention. If you haven’t heard about it, here’s how it would work.

 

During the first round of voting at the Democrat National Convention, which begins in Chicago on August 19, the DNC would change the rules and free up all the delegates to vote however they want. This would result in an open primary. The delegates would then nominate someone like Michelle Obama, or Gavin Newsom from their shallow bench, to replace Joe Biden.

The new nominee, whether it’s Michelle or Gavin, would then parachute into the convention center at the last minute, to the sound of trumpets and angels singing, and save the Democrats from the Bad Orange Man. Hallelujah!

But oops! They honked up that plan because the Biden campaign failed to get Old Diaper Joe on the ballot in Ohio.

The 50 states have hard deadlines for when candidates have to be certified in order to appear on the November ballot. Ohio’s deadline for that is August 7, but Biden wasn’t scheduled to be officially nominated until after the DNC convention starts on August 19. Because the campaign screwed up, Joe Biden can’t be on the Ohio ballot unless he is somehow nominated before the Ohio August 7 deadline.

The squishy, cowardly, and possibly gay Republicans in the Ohio state legislature went out of their way to try to accommodate the Democrats and get Biden on the ballot.

Imagine for one second that the Trump campaign had failed to make the ballot in a blue state. Do you think there’s any chance that the Democrats would bend over backward to help him get on the ballot? Of course they wouldn’t. But the never-fight-back Republicans were ready to bail Joe Biden out at the drop of a hat.

Anyway, the agreement that Republicans offered to help Biden overcome his ballot woes wasn’t good enough for the DNC. So, they’ve come up with a new plan.

New plan: The DNC will hold a giant Zoom call with all the delegates and give Joe Biden the nomination before the August 7 Ohio deadline. Hopefully, CNN’s Jeffrey Toobin is not a delegate (IYKYK). Then, the rest of the DNC convention will take place as regularly scheduled.

So, for the first time in the history of the conventions, Joe Biden will be his party’s official nominee before the nominating convention happens. Which means that the parachute plan just went up in flames. They can’t nominate Joe Biden early to get him on the ballot in Ohio and then take the official nomination away from him after all the delegates are forced to vote early. Not even the DNC is crooked enough to pull off a stunt like that.

Sorry, Democrats. Joe Biden is going to be your nominee. You’re officially stuck with him. Michelle is not going to parachute in at the convention and save you.

And you know what else? Even if the universe should intervene with a banana peel and Joe Biden should be taken out of the race by a bad fall after you nominate him, you’d be stuck with (LOL!) Kamala as your nominee.

Best of luck! You really deserve this, Democrats. This is what happens after you all kept your mouths shut and pretended that the 2020 election was not stolen. Joe Biden is your nominee. Embrace him. Love him. Sniff him. He’s all yours!


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