President Donald Trump has sent federal agents and the National Guard into Washington, DC, to get the city’s out-of-control crime rates under control. As we all know, enforcing the most basic laws of civilization and arresting criminals has a name. And that’s fascism. Many MSNBC viewers have been wondering when a hero will appear to finally stand up to the rising dark tide of Trump’s authoritarianism. We have good news for them. That hero has arrived.
Meet the sandwich guy:
U ST NW MAN THROWS SUB SANDWICH AT OFFICER: "The defendant was repeatedly yelling, cursing and berating an officer within inches of his face and ultimately assaulted him. He was arrested and the charge of assault of a police officer will be filed in district court tomorrow… pic.twitter.com/0mmJvdIVba
— Allison Papson (@AllisonPapson) August 13, 2025
Sure, he throws like Obama, runs like a junior high girl, and wears pink shirts and tight shorty-shorts. But that is the sort of masculine hero that the Democrat Party has been desperately needing. Let the #Resistance begin!
Since this is an obvious superhero origin story, we need to come up with a fitting superhero name for this guy. Batman is already taken. How about the Subway Slinger? The Hoagie Hurler? The Toasted Tuna Tosser? The Foot-Long Flinger?
Sean Davis at the Federalist is running a poll on this. So far, Prancing Panini Pitcher has a slight lead over Sassy Sub Chucker, with Grinder Gunner a distant third. Feel free to leave your own family-friendly suggestions in the comments.
The internet was quick to point out just how serious the #Resistance to Donald Trump is:
This is the damage that an assault sub can do.
Absolutely nobody needs to own one of these! pic.twitter.com/fprgoltl7K— Ryan B (@Network_Guy8) August 15, 2025
Meanwhile, the marketing department at Subway is praying that someone will throw a Whopper at a cop today.
This is the exact hero that the Democrats have been needing: A symbol of hope who is willing to scream and curse in an FBI agent’s face before assaulting him with a foot-long and mincing away. Unfortunately, the cops caught him about 40 yards from where the daring foot chase originated. It’s probably difficult to run full speed when you’re wearing those tight shorty-shorts.
You could have easily predicted what the authoritarian fascists in the Trump administration did next. They doxed this poor hero by releasing his name and the arrest record, complete with trumped-up charges of “assaulting” a police officer. They outed the hero’s secret identity.
He’s 37-year-old Sean Charles Dunn, an international affairs specialist in the Department of Justice’s Criminal Division. Then, Trump’s bootlicking Attorney General Pam Bondi, who does everything Trump says, immediately fired Sean Dunn.
That’s what authoritarian fascists do. They dox you, and then they get you fired from your job. Why do they do this?
Because it sends a message: If a prancing Department of Justice employee with a master’s degree and a huge sense of self-entitlement can’t assault the cops in public, then NO ONE CAN!
This is unprecedented. Do you want to live in a country where patriotic Americans can be doxed, arrested, and fired from their jobs just for exercising their right to protest? This has never happened before!
Well… except for those nearly 2,000 January 6ers. But as we all know, those were the Bad People and they had it coming. That was different.
Sean Charles Dunn is sadly facing 8 years in prison for assaulting a federal officer. That’s a long time. We might not even have a democracy any longer without him to lead the #Resistance for that length of time.
Trump’s authoritarianism is already changing the character of Washington, DC. People were reporting that they walked around the Navy Yard after dark on Thursday night, and they didn’t even get accosted by any crazy naked hobos with sharp objects. Democracy is dying before our very eyes, folks.
We just want things to go back to the way they were before all this fascism showed up. You know, when the government could try to force everyone to take vaccines, and federal law enforcement was spying on school board parents and Catholic churches. There hasn’t been one single pro-lifer arrested for silently praying across the street from a Planned Parenthood clinic in the past six months.
The planet is going to melt now because Donald Trump won’t force everyone to buy an electric car, or force ranchers to give up their land for windmill farms. We won’t survive much more of this.
Where’s Janeane Garofalo when we need her?