’Twas the night before Christmas, all over D.C.,
Not a creature was stirring—except MSNBC.
The anchors were sweating, their producers in tears,
Whispering, “Polls are fake… as the next election nears.”
The stockings were hung by the Oval Office chair,
With subpoenas and tariffs and truth in the air.
The Left hadn’t slept since about mid-July,
Still haunted by chants of “You lost, guy. Bye-bye.”
Chuck Schumer was pacing, his glasses askew,
Drafting a bill to ban Christmas by two.
AOC live-streamed, mascara in flight,
Explaining how Santa is “problematic” and white.
She canceled the sleigh, taxed Rudolph’s emissions,
Declared candy canes symbols of colonialism.
The reindeer were furloughed, the elves reassigned,
And Christmas was moved to a “more inclusive” time.
When out on Truth Social there rose such a roar,
I grabbed for my phone like it rang with a war
And there on the screen, bold letters in sight,
Was President Trump himself—typing late in the night:
“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL—EVEN THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA,
WHO LIED SO MUCH THIS YEAR THEY DESERVE THEIR OWN WIKIPEDIA.”
MSNBC froze.
CNN screamed.
A fact-checker fainted mid-sentence-stream.
The Times called it “dangerous holiday cheer,”
While NPR asked, “Is joy allowed here?”
Then another post dropped—timing immaculate:
“Elon’s building ROCKETS while they’re building NARRATIVES.”
Yes, Elon was mentioned—of course he would be,
Launching free speech like it’s SpaceX TV.
Down the chimney he came—not woke, not restrained,
With a sack full of wins and indictments unchained.
He spoke not a word, went straight to the task—
Fired three bureaucrats, shredded some red tape, basked.
He pardoned a vet.
Cut funding to “studies.”
Sent DEI memos straight into the scuddies.
JD Vance stood nearby, calm, smiling, composed,
While Kamala laughed… then forgot what she posed.
Joe Biden sat blinking, mid-thought, mid-chair,
As Jill said, “He’s fine,” and adjusted the glare.
The teleprompter wept.
The cue cards gave up.
Somewhere, a press aide refilled Joe’s cup.
Trump laughed like a boss, fixed his tie just so,
Said, “We’re bringing back Christmas. Believe me. Big show.”
He stepped in his sleigh, gave the press one last stare,
Said, “No mandates. No lectures. No guilt in the air.”
And I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
“MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL—
AND TO ALL… AMERICA FIRST. GOOD NIGHT.”