MSNBC Host Blames Her Myocarditis on Everything Except That One Thing

An MSNCB host who none of us has ever heard of before has been hospitalized for nine days with pericarditis and myocarditis – the dreaded double whammy that can sometimes be caused by shaking your duvet too vigorously. Yasmin Vossoughian finally made her triumphant return to television in front of tens of MSNBC viewers, and she even brought her cardiologist on with her to back up her story.

And it was definitely NOT that one thing that’s made by Pfizer and Moderna that caused her serious, near-fatal heart problems. Phew!

Let’s make one thing very clear from the outset. Vossoughian is a really difficult name to type. So, we’re going to break all of the journalism “rules” and just call her Yasmin from this point on. Agreed? Good. It’s not like any of us know who this broad is anyway, since she has her own show on MSNBC.

Anyway, Yasmin is a super-healthy individual, which she apparently brags about all the time on her show that no one watches. She’s 44 years old and she does yoga. She’s also a vegetarian and she doesn’t smoke, so she’s probably really fun to be around. Oh, and Yasmin runs seven miles per day, three or four times every week. So, she’s in peak health for her age.

But starting in late December, Yasmin says she started feeling chest pains for about ten days in a row. She finally started having serious pain in her shoulder and chest, so she went to the hospital emergency room.

She was diagnosed with severe pericarditis. The sac around her heart had filled up with fluid and it was so bad that they jabbed her with a needle to drain it. Yasmin then stayed in the hospital for four more days so they could monitor her condition.

As she was recovering at home three days later, she felt an arrythmia in her heart, so she went back to the hospital. She was then diagnosed with myocarditis, or pericarditis as the double whammy is usually referred to as. She was hospitalized for several more days until her condition stabilized.

But now Yasmin is finally back on the TV, and she is so dedicated to health and science that she brought her cardiologist on to talk about her condition. Because she’s not a 44-year-old, bitter, feminist narcissist or anything. Oh, there’s one additional thing we know about Yasmin, since she is a bit of a narcissist and can’t stop talking about herself. She’s fully vaccinated. We know this because she virtue signaled this to the whole world on her social media channels.

Yasmin has also done a ton of segments on her show about how awesome the experimental mRNA government health juice shots are. She’s even interviewed a doctor who called for federal hate crime protections for himself, so that people will stop questioning his medical advice about the shots. She love-love-loves the shots. And that’s good news, because it was definitely not the shots that caused her pericarditis.

She also did a segment last year that taught teenagers how to sneak around and get jabbed without their parents’ consent or knowledge. That’ll teach those anti-science parents in MAGA hats to not follow the science! She also bragged that her poor husband waited for 8 hours out in the cold to get the jab.

Yasmin admitted to her viewers that her severe heart inflammation that required nine days of hospitalization was caused by her catching a common cold. Woohoo! Pfizer dodges a bullet again!

Her cardiologist came on and explained with a straight face that it was in fact the common cold that caused Yasmin heart to almost explode. Who knew that colds were so dangerous? Also, don’t you find it curious that common colds have never before been linked to pericarditis? This is a brand-new diagnosis that seems to have only been invented about 5 minutes ago.

The cardiologist, Dr. Gregory Katz, pointed out that he’s been seeing a lot more cases of myocarditis lately. Probably because we’re in cold and flu season now, huh? It’s also a good thing that Yasmin is ultra-vaccinated, otherwise her pericarditis could have been much worse. But as the CDC notes, myocarditis is not a big deal these days anyway. It’s “mild.”

We’re glad that Yasmin has fully recovered from her “mild” nine-day hospitalization. And since she’s fully recovered, we hope that she enjoys taking Furosemide, Amiodarone HCL, 81 MG aspirin and a statin every day for the rest of her life. Because that’s what you get to do when you “recover” from a mild case of pericarditis that’s caused by the common cold.